^[1]

Darren Huckerby - Photo by Joe Nuxoll / centerlinesoccer.com / isiphoto.com

San Jose, meet Darren Huckerby. ^[2]

Or rather, Hucker-Hucker-Hucker-byyyyyyy ^[3]. (0:55)

Largely unknown here but practically worshipped ^[4] in Norwich, England, the soccer striker moved to our side of the universe less than a month ago to play with the San Jose Earthquakes ^[5]. Considering he’s good enough to play in every league in a country that is unbelievably INSANE about soccer, you have to ask yourself, “Um, yeah, WHAT?”

Fans of the Norwich City Football Club ^[6] were shocked, to say the least. Norwich City management unexpectedly released their hero in May without even giving them a proper chance for goodbye. And because of the loyal gentleman he is, Hucker-Hucker-Huckerby refused to play on any other English team that could possibly play against Norwich.

Their loss is our gain, soccer fan or not. And this is why:

The side effect is that an ever-growing number of Norwich soccer fans now wander around their hometown with the words SAN JOSE ^[7] emblazoned across their chest. San Jose has overnight become an unofficial sister city to Norwich, with jersey purchases, soccer scarf trades, foreign media coverage and even a few fans pining for their next plane ticket over to see Hucks in action. And now that hardcore Quakes fans are closely following Norwich in a similar vein, this can only be a boon for both cities and their economies. (Just don’t remind them that San Jose coach Frank Yallop ^[8] played 385 games for heated rival Ipswich Town ^[9]. We’ll ignore that for now.)

Making the switch from English football to Major League Soccer must be difficult: The pay is dismal in comparison, the soccer is chippy and short-passing, and the atmosphere will, let’s face it, never be as passionate and widespread as England. But Huckerby can take advantage of his new locale in several ways:

1) Anonymity means he can walk down the street without being mobbed,
2) The weather means he can walk down the street without an umbrella, and
3) Mexican food means he can walk down the street without ever going hungry. (Might I recommend Iguana’s ^[10] for a casual occasion?)

Huckerby has already proved to be a force to be reckoned with stateside. He scored two goals in two games so far as a Quake, lending a major hand (OK, foot) in bringing down BOOOOHISSLA GalaxyBOOOOHISS last week with a score of 3-2 ^[11]. And after a season of bottom-feeding cellar-dwelling sucktitude from San Jose, I confess it gives me evil pleasure to tell my non-soccer friends we beat David Beckham ^[12]’s team, hearing them ask “Was Beckham playing?” and me rubbing my hands together at the altar of Hucker-Hucker-Huckerby and saying, “Oh yessssss.”